do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
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