Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
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