I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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