Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
3 2 1 whiskey
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
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