why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Randomize
