i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
P.S. I can't hear my feet
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
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