I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
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only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
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