I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
Randomize
