Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
