I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
