These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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