she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
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