I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
