you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
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