The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Randomize
