What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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