My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
I enjoy the company of your penis
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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