toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
