***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
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