I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Randomize
