my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Randomize
