if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
There was a lot of him and a little penis
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
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