i need an iv and a liver transplant
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
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