The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
