I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Randomize
