It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
Randomize
