I molested 6 butterflies tonight
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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