I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
