This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize
