Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
He literally asked permission to hit on me
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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