It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Randomize
