just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
