Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Randomize
