You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
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