I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Randomize
