id be glad to
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
