i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
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