I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
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