What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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