Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
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