I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize