I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
