I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
