There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Randomize
