Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
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