he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
