I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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