Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
apparently the secret to your success is patron
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
