I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
