We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
