I never want to see another naked old woman again.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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