Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Randomize
