Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Randomize
