just survived the first fart of the relationship.
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
I love how my cats smell like pot.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
