dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
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