i think my tv is drunk
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
