When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
