I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
