i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
