THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
