a queef is a wish your heart makes.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
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