end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
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