He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
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