Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
