What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Randomize
