today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
