How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
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