When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
