Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
