thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
your like the ambassador to my penis.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
