...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
I think I sprained my soul last night
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
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